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Friday, May 23rd, 2003
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9:23 pm
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hey everyone its friday i'm in white plains on a home visit i leave tuesday morning. I'm just gonna be chillin wit my moms. Imma try and call some of u
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
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7:59 pm
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omg. I'm crying in the middle of the fucking parkland community library and i fucking miss everyone and everything. I miss all of you. I love you guys so much and i want to go to the alkaline trio concert really badly but i don't know if i can. I'm anxiously awaiting the day i can buy the new album but nothing com-fucking-pairs to the pain i feel without you guys in my life. It the worst feeling I';ve ever felt being here without you. I love you guys so much and there is so much i want to say about all of you and say about how much i misss you and wish i hadn't screwed up so much. But I love you guys and you're all i ever wanted in my life. I wish to god i could leave and be with you guys. I thought you guys hated me and i wish could be togethre. I can only come online once a week and be here. I love you guys and I miss you.
love forever and always, Kevin
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 4th, 2002
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11:15 pm
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Its times like these that trobule me A stabbing pain, this depressing disease The lights have fanished from my face Inside my soul starves an empty ache
Trobuled times call for desperate thoughts A hard ship lived inside the lesson taught There is no remorse for what you have done Your life's too full of hateful fun
Death has always seemed my destined fate I'll try it once just in case I've seemed not to learn through mistakes I've seen the tears leaving takes
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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8:22 pm - IM PISSED OFF!!!!
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MacTwisT777: yo Cevin 711: yo MacTwisT777: when was the lst time u did any thing to fuck u up Cevin 711: like drug wise MacTwisT777: yeah MacTwisT777: truthfully Cevin 711: i dunno, awhile ago Cevin 711: month or so MacTwisT777: like seriously Cevin 711: ive been doing ritalin but it doesn fuck me up it helps me write and draw and shit Cevin 711: seriously MacTwisT777: r u SURE MacTwisT777: do u wanna smoke up Cevin 711: yea Cevin 711: ! MacTwisT777: LOL Cevin 711: brb MacTwisT777: WRONG MacTwisT777: answer MacTwisT777: do u think ur friend nathan coudl take me Cevin 711: like in a fight MacTwisT777: yeah Cevin 711: why? MacTwisT777: cuz he was gonna beat kyle down or sumthign and me owen and justin were about to go and beat sum fuckers down Cevin 711: when was this?? MacTwisT777: saterdaynight Cevin 711: yo kyle deserves to get his beat Cevin 711: i hat ethat kid Cevin 711: where was it MacTwisT777: i know...but still MacTwisT777: est side suymwhere Cevin 711: i havent heard about that MacTwisT777: do u think he could take me Cevin 711: i dun know MacTwisT777: thst means yes Cevin 711: wait how do u know it was him MacTwisT777: cuz he was with michael feyer Cevin 711: o Cevin 711: yo kyle probably did something nathan doesnt just someone for no reasoin MacTwisT777: he shot his bro wiht a bebe gun...? Cevin 711: besides i was there i would have beaten kyles ass for no reason MacTwisT777: LOL MacTwisT777: kyles pretty tuff- but i kno wu could take him Cevin 711: kyle shot his brother with a bb gun Cevin 711: ? MacTwisT777: yeah Cevin 711: then why would u want to beat him up Cevin 711: if he started it for no reason MacTwisT777: if sum kid i didn't know- starts sumthign with kyle--- then obviously im not gonna let him get his ass beaten by sum peoples MacTwisT777: he said ther were a few MacTwisT777: but nathan was pushing him and shit MacTwisT777: NFG 2morrow!!!!!!!!! Cevin 711: and why wouldn't u let kyle get beat down a learn a lesson yea i owuld have too he's a prick and nathan wouldnt have let nayone else fight MacTwisT777: wiht finch MacTwisT777: sumthing corporate Cevin 711: hes not like that Cevin 711: i know MacTwisT777: is nathan a tuff motherfucker Cevin 711: he can take pain and when he gets into fight she goes nuts its pretty crazy Cevin 711: *he MacTwisT777: can u take him Cevin 711: i dunno Cevin 711: i have his back so we dont have that problem MacTwisT777: yea MacTwisT777: i didn't know it was him so i was down to fight him but hten i know if he ur friend that no good Cevin 711: i odnt understand why u would wnat to any way kyle needs to know when to fucking stop sumtimes Cevin 711: now im fucking pissed at kyle Cevin 711: i think i might want to go beat his ass nopw MacTwisT777: lol chill MacTwisT777: he's having MADD problems MacTwisT777: like MADD problems Cevin 711: ive wanted to for mad long MacTwisT777: i know MacTwisT777: but chill Cevin 711: yea me too it would be away to deal wthe problems i have now Cevin 711: shits sucks for me now MacTwisT777: his mom is dying Cevin 711: thats no reason for him to be a dick all the time MacTwisT777: he's not tho MacTwisT777: atly he's been so sad and like nice to everyone MacTwisT777: and like he shot his bro like 2 years ago Cevin 711: yo his briother lewis is my good friend also MacTwisT777: yeah Cevin 711: ill just wait for that prick to strta with me Cevin 711: wehnever that may be Cevin 711: someday, someday MacTwisT777: lol Cevin 711: hbave u heard the starting line MacTwisT777: hows school Cevin 711: its aight MacTwisT777: they are my fave badn Cevin 711: they're so good MacTwisT777: descions desicons MacTwisT777: best of me Cevin 711: i love best of me and im real MacTwisT777: saddest girls story MacTwisT777: BEST OF ME IS SOOOOOO good MacTwisT777: but descisions descions is ther best Cevin 711: i lov eit, i can play it on guitar MacTwisT777: and hello hu=ouston Cevin 711: i havent hear dit MacTwisT777: and this ride Cevin 711: have uy heard thge new sum 41 song MacTwisT777: nah Cevin 711: its so good Cevin 711: u hsould download it Cevin 711: its called still watiing MacTwisT777: yo DL these songs- i swear u will LOVE them---this ride,decsisions decsisions, gregs last day,hello houston MacTwisT777: do u like the used Cevin 711: never hear dof them MacTwisT777: REALLY?!?!?!?!? Cevin 711: i have gregs last day it rocks MacTwisT777: u never heard of the used?!?!?!? MacTwisT777: hold SHITTTTTTT MacTwisT777: ur missing SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much MacTwisT777: holy SHIT MacTwisT777: DL RIGHT NOW MacTwisT777: - blue and yellow MacTwisT777: and the taste of ink MacTwisT777: the BEST songs MacTwisT777: u liek the badn midtown?? Cevin 711: yea MacTwisT777: DL those songs now Cevin 711: aight MacTwisT777: do u liek a simple plan? Cevin 711: so so MacTwisT777: they have a few ill songs MacTwisT777: what about floggin molly Cevin 711: i havent heradr too much of thier shit MacTwisT777: they old-- btu good MacTwisT777: but seriuosuly- DL descisions desiscions, this ride,the taste of ink and blue and yellow MacTwisT777: they are SOOOO amazing Cevin 711: i download th enew sum 41 song now! Cevin 711: please MacTwisT777: i should? Cevin 711: yea its realy really good MacTwisT777: whast it called Cevin 711: still waiting MacTwisT777: r u DLING THOSE SONGS Cevin 711: yea im donwlaoding all of them MacTwisT777: GOOD!!!!! MacTwisT777: tell me which one is ur fav MacTwisT777: i love blue and yellow- taste of ink and descisions descions Cevin 711: i will they're not all done MacTwisT777: the DD is my fav tho MacTwisT777: it has SO mcuh feeling MacTwisT777: the sarting line is like one of my fav bands... it's liek tied wiht nfg Cevin 711: i have the nfg dvd
Cevin 711: nfg is so fucking good MacTwisT777: WRDO~ MacTwisT777: i knwo Cevin 711: dd is fucking ill MacTwisT777: i KNOW!!!!! Cevin 711: the starting line is so fucking good MacTwisT777: the chorus is SO amazing for DD Cevin 711: yo im recording my own shit and making a cd MacTwisT777: NIE Cevin 711: its just guitar and me singing MacTwisT777: NIEC MacTwisT777: NICE Cevin 711: will u do some bass shits on it Cevin 711: cuz i need some bass lines and my bass is at kagans hosue and i suck at it anyway MacTwisT777: sure MacTwisT777: but i havent played for SOOO long MacTwisT777: this ride is good by starting line MacTwisT777: tell me what u think about all the songs
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 31st, 2002
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10:38 pm
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nothing, can i say anything? No i can't, can I have things easy?, no, nothing. Can i do good in school?, live in a suburb with a dog and little sister? and both my parents. No thing, Some things you can change some you can't. Its hard to live with, I'm having trobule do that. I'm having trobule with everything. I want this all to end. I hate saying these things, i hate people thinking things about me. Not saying them. Nothing. Everything, I hate everything, me being at the top of the list. I wish something would happen, something to take me away. I wish I wasn't so upset. I wish I didnt write that letter last night. I wish dying didn't seem so good for me, so right, such a good thing for me. I could wish a million things, none o which would come true. I'm shutting down, from everyone. Eveyrtime I get close to someon or trust them I get hurt or fucked over. I'm with myself now. I can barely trust myself, so its hard.
Tough times call, For waiting For something more frustrating Its hurting, its raping It grabs my neck and takes me
I feel this, even more That ugly latin dumb whore She lies about the facts She'd be better with a heart attack
Don't even get me started Her pits smell like she farted She's hairy, trick ass bitch All that pussy hair must itch Shes going back home now She's a whore for the whole town She's craving for some sex For any dick in her legs She acts like every-one cares Shes easier thna breathing air She's lying and wating For any cock she's craving She'll take anything she gets I'm tired of her bullshit Have a fucking heart attack Or my knife inside your back
This is to someone close Atleast I thought you were once What did I do I still hate you I know that you hate me too When there's drama you'll find it Or Ecuadorian clit You defy any logic You have fro solving Your problems don't involve me You suck dick I hate you I want to desecrate you You're ugly, involving Your brown tooth needs some solving Maybe a smack would help you Or maybe dying helps you
I know its bad but to the tune i like it. its to the tune of the intro of sum 41's new song "still waiting" its so good!!!!! I hate liars and whores and lying whores
current mood: angry
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 27th, 2002
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11:31 pm
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Here's what I want to say Through my lyrics, I express nothing more nothing less
Yo, My mind is like a catholic preist dying to be aborted My mind is twisted, strung out and it's contorted I'm in a place now, where I find my self very afflicted I figure that I'm too hung over to be drug addicted But I don't know, and I'm not really sure if I ever did This bag of meth is my only hope to be happy as a kid Imagine growing up not knowing which one is your dad Torments your mind and makes you so angry you get sad Till you hit rock bottom and theres nothing there to kill you Until addiction crawls up your back and makes your brain turn to mildew I know what its like to be stuck in a dark hole with one broken leg I know where this ends, when you slit your wrists and realize your dead I know what its like...
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
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10:25 pm
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its been a long ass time since I've updated last, kinda like i just disspaeared. and i have. It sucks but i have. since i last updated which was in summer i think alot has happened I guess. long story short, i didnt go out with marina, i went out with sami, i went to a hospital for drug abuse then got out of the hospital broke up with sami and now i;m in outpatient care for my substance abuse. Im not alowwed to have contact with my friends for another week which would make it threee weeeks and it sucks. It sucks alot. Ever since I was i started this out patient I've wanted to use more and more and more. AA has been the only thing that has helped me through this. My outpatient sucks and makes me mad and depressed and all the do is yell at you and shit and i have plenty f people who could do that for me. My realtionships with the two peopel i care abut most in this world have gone to shit. I really don't see the point in living anymore. the only reason im not trying to kill myself is becuase i know it wont wrok and ill end upo in a hospital again and with that threat i wont d aanyuthing if someone told me if you dont have sex with a goat every day for four years you're going to a hospital....lets just sya that goats ass would be bruised and bloody. I really i hate the way things are with me and nathan and caitlin. Its all my fault I really wish I didnt have any of this any more. I wish i could just leave it all. Forget it all...forget everything. if nathan or caitlin reeads this I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry about all the shit i;ve been doing ive just have been really fucked up lately (not in a drug way) mye motions and thoughts have been all out of whack and I wish that everything was back to normal and I wish we couuld just be having a good time drinkign beer all the time and not going to school like it used to be. Things were so much better than. I wasn't such an asshole then. i'm sorry about everything and I would understand if you guys dont want any of my shit or me anymore because I dont either. You have the choice of getting awya formme and all my rpblems and shit I don't. I love you both with all my heart and soul. -kevin
The fastest sinking ship is the one you bring down with you You're only as sick as your secrets and I'm sicker than AIDS I'm a festering cancer inside of your brain, that eats away and laughs in pain
I'm over with this goodbye I'm over, and done with life I'm one with the dirt and ground I'm listening to the waves breaking sound I'm sinking down drowing in sand I'm happy when I'm triple "c" land I have a ticket for a direct flight there In triple "c" land nobody cares, i'm liked there I'm happy with myself and my looks But here I am, an opened blank book I wish I could express what I want Death, no breath, ain't that fun?
current mood: suicidal
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
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8:23 pm
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i got busted by the cops with my friends yesterday and they found my highly resinated bong and a bunch of empty boxes of coricidin and like we had like 5 or 6 bottles of cough syrup with mad dxm in it and we were drinking it but they just called our parents and took away my bong and my friends bowl! bastards but i still have my nice ass bubbler that i bouhgt for 5 bux at a thrift store and it hits so nice...so they lost and i win! so i win! bitches!
caitlin come on line now!!!
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
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1:59 am - HEY ALISON!!!!!
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whats up alison i dont want u to bad sad so i updated my journal...here it is updated i had boring day...just in case anyone was wondering i rented some movies and stuff and once againw aited for caitlin to come online....gggrr......but no caitlin....so ill keep waiting....HI ALISON!!! mwa!!!
current mood: awake
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 5th, 2002
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3:35 am - only 58 percent whats that shit!?!
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| Sunday, August 4th, 2002
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1:34 am
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STARS:
Time will soothe, it will realse I glue my heart together, piece by piece Sooner or later You will frustrate her You will drive her... Completely insane
But there's....
A place inside my head A place you'll never know A place I wonder through A place I hate to go
Is it too much to ask To just forget the past Is it to late, I'm dead? All the words I never said Bottled up in my head I'm fucking my past I'm seeing red
But there's...
A place inside my head A place you'll never know A place I wonder through A place I hate to go
And I will reatreat to A place I'll gladly meet you We'll meet half way We'll talk about our day And the memories we share But I don't think... You even really care
But there's...
A place inside my head A place you'll never know A place I wonder through A place I hate to go
I would walk to mars Collect the stars Roam the galaxy If you would just love me
current mood: missing bailey ::pout:: :o(
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 3rd, 2002
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4:16 am - I love you Marina but htese are my emotions but please dont worry I have no regrets and I love you
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RayneHiemer:
When everything was better When everything was not what it is now When you loved me and I hated her And we were together forever
Yeah...
It was frightening That a girl like you could love me But then it all came crashing down It all came down on me, And now I'm left with the sound...
Of your voice... Tainting my memories And the thought of Calvin K. little babies
Now...
It was never the same (We gave it a third shot) But it wasn't the same (You didn't love me) And your love did subside (You couldn't reveal) And you could not realize I but I did (It wasn't the same)
So I....
I took trip to realize it was over And I still was waiting for her to cry I took trip, a two week long trip To understand I wasn't in your eyes
Now and then...
Alice You still love Alice And you couldn't tell me But now I'm over And it will soon be mid-octber And it will be so over by then
Yeah...
Alice You still remember Alice You still love Alice You want to wonder about Alice You hated that I was not a girl But it girl is not right for me except her
So I...
Fuck the seasons Impregnate love with reasons Of confusion inside my head surreal to envision Our love like precision Of the fucked incision in our heart
So...
Torment the beautiful With our love that wasn't real And our love that never could last I broke my leg but still I wonder... Why it is my heart in the cast
Yeah..
Its over And its nearing mid-octber I haven't even known you a year I... Can't remember if our love was in december Actually I know its not near
So...
Die with the reasons Of your sultry looks And the teasin' Brought upon me in bed
Now... Crawl like me I miss my bail Lee
So... Listen to the words I say
I love you my mina And I'll never leave you These are emotions I'll deal with alone But... you don't have to worry Don't give up in a hurry Don't leave me yet I love you
And I...
Always have...always kill For our love and life, I'd surely kill For you...my mina My Ruca I love you so
I'm....
Dumb and pathetic And I can't get it Why I'm standing still All alone
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 2nd, 2002
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9:55 pm
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| Thursday, August 1st, 2002
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9:41 pm
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You can relax now its over You can sit back and listen and breathe If you wear your head on shoulders You're likely to wear your heart on your sleeve
You are born just dying And you live life crying Insanity is home for us all No time to sit and wonder If this mess was our blunder If you know where you'll end up instead
Enter the light the music blinds me The words crash like waves in my head If I could find my reasons or my wondering of seasons Would you bleed from your heart like you said
You are born just dying And you live life crying Insanity is home for us all No time to sit and wonder If this mess was our blunder If you know where you'll end up instead
You can trust that the limiting is endless And the life she leads is friendless If you wonder all over again Straight through out the forest With the winter singing chorus Is it happening just like you said
You are born just dying And you live life crying Insanity is home for us all No time to sit and wonder If this mess was our blunder If you know where you'll end up instead
I'm a whole damn pill I'm tear drop, still I'm whole damn race I'm dead beneath my face
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(comment on this)
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9:40 pm - yayness
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Cevin 711: sorry bout that Maggot512: about waht? Cevin 711: i got like disconnected Maggot512: oh i thought u meant about the song Maggot512: and i was like its beautiful Cevin 711: even though its about how u dont want to be with me Maggot512: i didnt say that i didnt want to Cevin 711: but you're not sure if u do Maggot512: i didnt say that either Cevin 711: oook... Cevin 711: do u want to be with me Maggot512: yes Cevin 711: are u positive Cevin 711: becasue the whole i think so thing kinda threw me off into like um being sad Maggot512: oh baby i didnt mean it like that Cevin 711: :,o( Maggot512: its gonna be ok Cevin 711: do u love me Maggot512: yes Cevin 711: :o) Cevin 711: all better Cevin 711: ::kiss:: Maggot512: awww Maggot512: Kiss Cevin 711: hehe i love u wiht all my heart Maggot512: bak at ya! Cevin 711: hey have u seen resident evil Maggot512: nope Cevin 711: u should it rox and milla jovovich is so hot Cevin 711: and she kicks like zomibe dogs's asses Maggot512: lol im not bi Cevin 711: yea but if u were u would appreciate it Maggot512: ...but im not Cevin 711: yea it doesnt matter becuase you're hotter and i love u they way u are Maggot512: aw Maggot512: thank u Maggot512: im gonna go to bed, ok? Cevin 711: k Cevin 711: sweet dreams Cevin 711: love you Maggot512: i love u Maggot512 signed off at 9:35:28 PM.
current mood: loved
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(comment on this)
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9:40 pm - yayness
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Cevin 711: sorry bout that Maggot512: about waht? Cevin 711: i got like disconnected Maggot512: oh i thought u meant about the song Maggot512: and i was like its beautiful Cevin 711: even though its about how u dont want to be with me Maggot512: i didnt say that i didnt want to Cevin 711: but you're not sure if u do Maggot512: i didnt say that either Cevin 711: oook... Cevin 711: do u want to be with me Maggot512: yes Cevin 711: are u positive Cevin 711: becasue the whole i think so thing kinda threw me off into like um being sad Maggot512: oh baby i didnt mean it like that Cevin 711: :,o( Maggot512: its gonna be ok Cevin 711: do u love me Maggot512: yes Cevin 711: :o) Cevin 711: all better Cevin 711: ::kiss:: Maggot512: awww Maggot512: Kiss Cevin 711: hehe i love u wiht all my heart Maggot512: bak at ya! Cevin 711: hey have u seen resident evil Maggot512: nope Cevin 711: u should it rox and milla jovovich is so hot Cevin 711: and she kicks like zomibe dogs's asses Maggot512: lol im not bi Cevin 711: yea but if u were u would appreciate it Maggot512: ...but im not Cevin 711: yea it doesnt matter becuase you're hotter and i love u they way u are Maggot512: aw Maggot512: thank u Maggot512: im gonna go to bed, ok? Cevin 711: k Cevin 711: sweet dreams Cevin 711: love you Maggot512: i love u Maggot512 signed off at 9:35:28 PM.
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6:37 pm
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2:51 am - This is to the girl who owns my heart forever
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TREES:
I see your face in my dreams I imagine your warmth next to me Open up my head, its dedicated to you Open up my eyes, only you can see right through
It happens, it's over You're laughing I'm crying all the same I guess I waited too long this time I'm hoping love isn't my crime But I've been judged thus far And my love for you is over-due It happens
Imagine a place Full of possibilities No possibilities that crush While I crawl We can both stand on two feet Imagine a place, just you and me I want to start a life I want start a new one (all over again) With just you With just... you
It happens, it's over You're laughing I'm crying all the same I guess I waited too long this time I'm hoping love isn't my crime But I've been judged thus far And my love for you is over-due It happens
I guess you are over me now And I'm still making my way up I still love you, always have I still need you, always have I'm nothing
It happens, it's over You're laughing I'm crying all the same I guess I waited too long this time I'm hoping love isn't my crime But I've been judged thus far And my love for you is over-due It happens
It happens You happened You changed me You changed my life It happens You happened I want to spend my life I want to spend it devoted to you I want to see it, I want be it I want to be what you love I want to be what you care for I want to be all these things I want to see everything, you want me to see
It happens, it's over You're laughing I'm crying all the same I guess I waited too long this time I'm hoping love isn't my crime But I've been judged thus far And my love for you is over-due It happens
I guess, this mess, I made I guess, your mind is changed I guess this happens I wish it never happened I wish you still loved me I wish you were still my mina
It happens
current mood: drained
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
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8:40 pm - avoding something...maybe..i dunno...i hate myself..im an idiot
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Cevin 711: hey Maggot512: high Cevin 711: how come whenever we talk u sign off right away Maggot512: bc i had to make dinner and then my mom was yelling and shit Maggot512: im sorry Cevin 711: its ok, what did u make for dinner Maggot512: ummm salmon Maggot512: and potatoe Cevin 711: cool Cevin 711: my dad bar-be-qued ribs and his girl friend made like some weird vegetable shit Maggot512: hehe Cevin 711: gggrrrr....i hate lving with parents Maggot512: why Cevin 711: because its all like do this do tht go to school u canbe at home alone u cant be in ny whne im not Cevin 711: i dont trust u, you'll do drugs Cevin 711: so u cant leave Maggot512: lol Maggot512: true Cevin 711: u smell like old socks Cevin 711: stuff like that Maggot512: I DO NOT Maggot512: hehe Cevin 711: minus the old socks thing i just wanted to say that Maggot512: lol Cevin 711: ugh..i need to shave Cevin 711: my face Cevin 711: lol Cevin 711: hey i gotta question Maggot512: yaeh Cevin 711: um..i love u...and....welll... Cevin 711: will u go out with me Maggot512: right now? Cevin 711: well if u dun want to until after the summer but like i dunno soon... Maggot512: yeah Maggot512: after the summer i think so Cevin 711: :o) Cevin 711: u think so Cevin 711: k... Maggot512: kevi, i love u Cevin 711: but.... Maggot512: but nothing Cevin 711: then why the i think so Maggot512: what else do u want me to say? Maggot512: shit i gotta go again, im in a lot of trouble Maggot512 signed off at 8:37:41 PM.
current mood: depressed
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8:39 pm
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